I am discovering that it is very difficult to talk about my brother’s death. First, he is my brother and death is so strange and foreign. But also because I am a “pastor” and pastors are supposed to have all the right answers. But I don’t. I only know how to rest in God’s mercy. Blogging is becoming a very real means of grace to me right now. If you get tired of reading about my grief I understand. Please feel free not to read.
The divers just found his body about 15 minutes ago and so now the reality of his death is sinking in. I find grieving to be a place of strange paradox – almost nothing makes sense. At the same time I realize that my brother’s death changes absolutely nothing in my life – Monday mornings will still be Monday mornings, Sundays will still come and I will still have the same responsibilities. On the other hand, everything is different. I know I’ll come to a place of acceptance but in some strange way life has a little of its glow. Perhaps that’s okay. Maybe the Holy Spirit will replace it. I don’t know.
I know I have never missed my brother as much as I do right now.