Today I was supposed to go out and pray. I’ve been feeling a little dry lately, whatever that means. In a book I’ve been reading the author suggests that one of the best ways to enter into the presence of God is to experience creation. So I went to the Wild Animal Park. While I was there I continued reading On Grief and Grieving and began to cry when I read about isolation. I don’t know why but I think I have told myself I can’t sit alone inside my home and grieve. Since the moment I returned from Alaska (actually, even while I was in Alaska) my days have been full of all kinds of events and interaction. I have forced myself to “be strong” (again, whatever that means) and get the job done. What I really want to do is sit at home and be alone. Isolation can be a healthy part of the grieving process as long as you don’t stay there too long.
The truth is my vocation doesn’t really allow for me to sit at home. I would like to retreat into myself sometimes but it makes people uncomfortable, especially those who love me. I’m learning that it usually isn’t the grieving person who has difficulty with grief, but those who are watching. Today someone said it made her sad when I’m sad and tried to cheer me up. My response to her was, “Can you be strong enough to be sad with me?” I think that is true friendship. Don’t let me be sad forever, but let me be sad; just don’t let me be sad alone.